I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
