hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
