So drunk its hurt
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
