I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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