dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
