Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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