I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
