Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
