i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
