Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
