My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
