Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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