dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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