remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
