The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
