There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
