hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
