I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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