I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
