I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
