YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
