So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
