This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
