Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
