You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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