People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
