I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
