I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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