I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
