The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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