The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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