the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
