Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
