Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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