the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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