Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
