Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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