I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
