I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
