maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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