I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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