I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
