worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
