it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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