I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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