I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
