We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
