Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
