i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
