Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
